Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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