Farmville is her only friend.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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