We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
