Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
