I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
