how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize