YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
