I faked an abortion last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
