worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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