Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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