i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
