I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
