I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
