I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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