i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
