you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
