one two three fourrrrnication!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
