I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
