The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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