I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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