I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
