Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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