I skipped work to stalk him.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
