After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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