Christians are straight up FREAKS
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
