Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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