Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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