I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
