It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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