She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
