you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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