I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
