The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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