Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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