Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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