Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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