When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
