you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
