Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
