The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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