drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
