i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
