btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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