Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
