just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
