turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
