walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
