so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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