Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
