come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
