rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize