I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
