I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
