yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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