"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
