dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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