He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
