i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
