Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
