You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
