I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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