ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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