she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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