Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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