So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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