Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I need water and some morals
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
