sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
