I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
