We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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