Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
