I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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