then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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