people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
